Ken Tanaka Loves Me.




My friend Jacob the polar bear sent me this valentine card today. On the back it says "Ken Tanaka loves me". Jacob said this is a picture of him thinking about how much I love him. And it's true I do love him with all of my heart and even some of your heart as well. Actually I Love every polar bear in the world but Jacob was the only one to send me a nice Valentine like this. I do not begrudge the other polar bears. I know that most of them are busy right now trying to eat as many seals as they can before it gets too hot. Bless them all, Every single one.

A while ago, another friend of mine named floppy dog maybe this video about how he met his lover, Also named floppy dog. I played the song for his video.


I love you all on Valentine's Day. But I love you just as much every other day of the year.


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Professor Jacobs first day of school (pennyflop)




It's Prof. Jacobs first day teaching at Smithfield primary school. He's been anxious all week. I understand how he feels but I bet when he goes he'll find the oven was off.... Or maybe his house will be on fire.

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Cooking Without Dog, How to make AvoKama (Avocado Dynamite) and fun with EmmyMadeInJapan and RunnyRunny999



My friend RunnyRunny999 from YouTube is famous for his cooking videos. He teaches you how to make simple Japanese foods. KatMcdowell is a very nice singer and guitarist from New Zealand. She is half Japanese and speaks very handsomely. Runny is visiting from Japan and we got together at TasteMade studios in Los Angeles to make Cooking With Runny.

People often ask me if I am the host of the popular Japanese YouTube cooking show "Cooking With Dog". That is a silly question. The voice of Cooking With Dog is a small grey poodle named Francis. He looks nothing like me. Plus, he is a dog. I don't understand why someone would mistake him for me.

In this video we make AvoKama....which American Japanese restaurants sometimes call Dynamite.



A few days later Runny and I met up with EmmyMadeInJapan another famous YouTuber who makes nice videos about eating foods from different countries. People send her packages of foods from their homeland and she gets to eat them. I once sent her some milk from my family's dairy in Shimane, but she said that she didn't drink it because it was a bit sour when she got it...plus...all the maggots.
We had a fun time at the Los Angeles farmers market.


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Love Thy Vermin




This cartoon is based on a famous quote by gandhi "The greatness of a nation can be judged by the way its animals are treated."

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Paramore's Hayley Williams wearing my "We Just Call It Regular Style" t-shirt. and new shirt designs.







Someone recently sent me this link to a site called StealHerStyle.com . It shows (as seen above) Hayley Williams, singer for the band Paramore wearing one of my t-shirts. This is the "We just Call it Regular Style" shirt. It's from a painting from my first art show at Billy Shire Fine Arts.

I have just made two versions of the shirt available on RedBubble.com as well as prints and ipad/iphone cases.



Here is the black print version.



Here is the full-color version. I'm sure that both shirts will look very handsome on you and all your friends, and also everybody you have ever met before.


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Zombie Birdwatcher Cartoon






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The Holy Bible and Zombies





Matthew 1:2-17

2 Abraham ate Isaac, Isaac ate Jacob, and Jacob ate Judah and his brothers.
3 Judah ate Perez and Zerah and Tamar, Perez ate Hezron, and Hezron ate Ram.
4 Ram ate Amminadab, Amminadab ate Nahshon, and Nahshon ate Salmon.
5 Salmon ate Boaz and Rahab, Boaz ate Obed and Ruth, Obed ate Jesse,
6 and Jesse ate David the king. David the king ate Solomon and her who had been the wife of Uriah.
7 Solomon ate Rehoboam, Rehoboam ate Abijah, and Abijah ate Asa.
8 Asa ate Jehoshaphat, Jehoshaphat ate Joram, and Joram ate Uzziah.
9 Uzziah ate Jotham, Jotham ate Ahaz, and Ahaz ate Hezekiah.
10 Hezekiah ate Manasseh, Manasseh ate Amon, and Amon ate Josiah.
11 Josiah ate Jeconiah and his brothers about the time they were carried away to Baandlon.
12 And after they were brought to Baandlon, Jeconiah ate Shealtiel, and Shealtiel ate Zerubbabel.
13 Zerubbabel ate Abiud, Abiud ate Eliakim, and Eliakim ate Azor.
14 Azor ate Zadok, Zadok ate Achim, and Achim ate Eliud.
15 Eliud ate Eleazar, Eleazar ate Matthan, and Matthan ate Jacob.
16 And Jacob ate Joseph the husband of Mary, of whom was born Jesus who is called Christ.
17 So all the generations from Abraham to David are fourteen generations that were consumed, from David until the captivity in Baandlon are fourteen more generations consumed, and from the captivity in Baandlon until the Christ are fourteen more generations consumed.


The above is an excerpt from a new book I'm working on called The Holy Bible and Zombies. Based on an idea by actor Tahmus Rounds. This may end up being the follow up to my other book Everybody Dies A Children's Book for Grown Ups. Only 1,931 pages to go.

Here is the original version from the Holy Bible
Matthew 1:2-17 New King James Version (NKJV)

2 Abraham begot Isaac, Isaac begot Jacob, and Jacob begot Judah and his brothers. 3 Judah begot Perez and Zerah by Tamar, Perez begot Hezron, and Hezron begot Ram. 4 Ram begot Amminadab, Amminadab begot Nahshon, and Nahshon begot Salmon. 5 Salmon begot Boaz by Rahab, Boaz begot Obed by Ruth, Obed begot Jesse, 6 and Jesse begot David the king. David the king begot Solomon by her who had been the wife[a] of Uriah. 7 Solomon begot Rehoboam, Rehoboam begot Abijah, and Abijah begot Asa.[b] 8 Asa begot Jehoshaphat, Jehoshaphat begot Joram, and Joram begot Uzziah. 9 Uzziah begot Jotham, Jotham begot Ahaz, and Ahaz begot Hezekiah. 10 Hezekiah begot Manasseh, Manasseh begot Amon,[c] and Amon begot Josiah. 11 Josiah begot Jeconiah and his brothers about the time they were carried away to Babylon. 12 And after they were brought to Babylon, Jeconiah begot Shealtiel, and Shealtiel begot Zerubbabel. 13 Zerubbabel begot Abiud, Abiud begot Eliakim, and Eliakim begot Azor. 14 Azor begot Zadok, Zadok begot Achim, and Achim begot Eliud. 15 Eliud begot Eleazar, Eleazar begot Matthan, and Matthan begot Jacob. 16 And Jacob begot Joseph the husband of Mary, of whom was born Jesus who is called Christ.

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Missing: Jacob the Jerk Squirrel.





A few weeks ago I wrote about Jacob the Jerk Squirrel who is guilty of eating all the mikans (tangerine) on my mikan tree.

My mikan tree went from being full of lovely orange fruity friends to being lonesome and bare. It was all Jacob the Jerk Squirrel's fault. And so, I prayed and prayed to all of the Gods that I knew of, and also made a wish on a falling star. I ate a Christmas Turkey and made a wish as I snapped his wishbone. I mapped out every fountain in Los Angles and made a three-day tour of them all. I threw pennies in and wished that Jacob would disappear forever (over 145 pennies). Next, I found a dandelion grove and I spent 2 nights and 3 days (camping) picking every blooming dandelion and making my wish each time I blew it's little cotton ball of spores into the wind. Not far from the dandelion grove was a grassy hill where I hunted for four leaf clovers that I could wish upon. Finally, I made 1000 origami cranes, each one named Jacob, and asked the great Crane Spirit to grant my wish.

When I returned home, I ran to my yard and looked in the Mikan tree. No Jacob. I looked to the top of the fence where he likes to perch and peel his stolen fruits. No Jacob. I looked in the kinkan tree (kumquat), where he also likes to play. No Jacob.

I'm not sure which of my thousand wishes was heard, but one of them was. Jacob is gone. I was so excited. I picked one of the last few mikan from the tree and ate its sweet, sweet fruit meat. The mikans were mine again.

The next morning I woke up and looked out the window. Still no Jacob. The Mikan tree and Kinkan tree stood alone with no rodent of any kind running up and down its branches. The fence where Jacob suppers was empty of peels. It was a completely Jacob-free environment. I know I should have been happy, but there was a certain loneliness. The trees seemed empty without the rustle of rodent movement. The last mikans hanging on the tree seemed anxious and on edge, as if they were afraid they would go uneaten...and be left to shrivel into nothingness...unwanted...unloved.

I began to wonder how my wish was granted. I wished that Jacob would be gone, but what does that mean? Jacob was gone, but where did he go? I hadn't been specific in my wishing. I should have wished "that Jacob would find another mikan tree somewhere else and he would be happy there until his last days". I was only thinking of myself, and my mikans. Now I must accept that I may be responsible for the disappearance or even death of Jacob the Jerk squirrel. Yes, he was a jerk squirrel, but he doesn't deserve to die. Even though he was a jerk I still loved him...I still love him. It's been five days now and no sign at all of Jacob. I have spent the last three days searching my neighborhood. I've gone door to door with this flyer, asking if anyone has seen him.

If you hear anything about Jacob, please do let me know. I am so worried, I have no appetite. I don't even feel like eating the last few mikan that Jacob left behind.

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Great Mazinga Robot selfie



I am very close friends with two giant robots, Great Mazinga and Raideen. Lately Mazinga is always trying to take my phone to play Candy Crush. This morning, I woke up and found this photo on my phone. It's his first selfie. I guess he is putting it on his Instagram page. Robots grow up so fast.

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The many Noels, a Ken Tanaka Christmas Carol.



Oh hello. Chirstmas is the most Christmasy time of the year. It's a time for singing Christmas carols. I can't go door to door to reach everyone in the world like Mr. Santa does, so instead I have posted my Christmas Caroling video. You can sing along, it's a very easy song.

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Ken Tanaka's Bucket List



One of my very handsome YouTube subscribers was kind enough to get me a special Christmas present...a free Skype session with a Life Coach. I told the life coach all about my life and the Smiths and the new version of my book Everybody Dies that I finally finished. She said I needed to focus on what I wanted in my life, and where I wanted my life to go. Her main suggestion was that I make a bucket list. She said it would help me visualize my life goals. So this Boxing Day morning I woke up and started my list.


#1 Melissa & Doug Sunny Patch Happy Giddy Pail

I'm not sure if my life coach will accept a pail at the #1 position of my bucket list. She didn't really explain the rules very much. If it's not okay, I will make a separate pail list. This pail is advertised as being "ready for dumping". I like a pail or a bucket that is always ready to do some dumping even if it is gloomy outside or it has other plans, or it is suffering from the flu or cholera. Also, this was the only bucket with a face on it. With the other buckets, I wouldn't even know which side to talk to or give a kiss to. I think Melissa and Doug really are bucket geniuses. What a happy pail!



#2 Rubbermaid Brand Neat and Tidy Bucket

This is a classic white bucket that I think is very useful and well shaped. I think many people have a bucket like this outside int their yard, filled with some rain water and earth and little baby mosquito larvae. It's a good bucket, friendly and not pretentious.



#3 Metal Bucket Party Accessory

This is a festive party bucket, for when you are throwing the kind of party that requires a number of colorful buckets. They are made of metal, which is refreshing, and they come in some of the colors of the rainbow (but not all...because some rainbow colors are not identifiable to the human eye). This would have been #2 but it was not quite as tidy as the Rubbermaid Brand Tidy Bucket,and tidiness if very important to me when I'm choosing a bucket. Very important.



#4 Carrand 94102 Car Wash Bucket - 3 Gallon Capacity

This bucket is not only handsomely grayish, it's also made for a very specific purpose. It's a car wash bucket. Please do not try to use this bucket for fence painting, vegetable gathering, floor mopping or as a party accessory. This bucket is only to be used for car washing. Do not use it to wash a dog either, unless the dog is in your car...then it is okay.



Well, I only got to #4 and it took me several hours. I felt a lot of pressure to choose the right bucket. I don't feel any different about my life yet, but my life coach did say that the changes wouldn't happen right away. I guess after you've made a list of buckets you have to wait a few days to feel the effects. One thing I did learn is that making lists is fun. I'm going to make a list of marsupials next. Who do you think will be #1?



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A son knows...




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Predictions for 2014





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Turkey blames himself



It's November 27th and Jacob Turkey knows he doesn't have much time left. Most of his friends and kin are gone already. He blames himself, and his plumage for making him look so tasty. Some will say that he is asking for it. "He shouldn't put on such vibrant plumage if he doesn't want our attention." they'll say. But, is it fair to judge a turkey by his dress? Can any of us, upon sight alone, know what is in the mind of a turkey? Perhaps it is time to try talking to our turkeys before we decide what "they want".
Jacob is a gifted conversationalist.
And.
If you lean in closely you can probably hear him gobble the words..."あとわずかだな。”


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How to improve your Japanese accent.

In this video I help my brother learn to speak better Japanese and improve his accent. My brother speaks very fine Japanese but his accent is a bit strong. You may have met him before in my videos #13, 28 and 48. This is the first time in a few years that we have done a video together.


Pre-Order the new hardback HarperCollins edition of Everybody Dies: A Children's book for Grown-Ups. http://www.amazon.com/Everybody-Dies-Childrens-Book-Grown-ups/dp/0062329642/ref=sr_1_1_bnp_2_har?ie=UTF8&qid=1385671838&sr=8-1&keywords=everybody+dies%3A+a+children%27s+book+for+grown+ups

Mandrill is interested in you.

This is Brett the Mandrill. He finds you fascinating. The drab color of your epidermis and fur. Your tiny baby teeth. Your dainty, thin eyebrows. Brett could watch you for hours. Brett the Mandrill is part of a new page for a book I am making. For more about Mandrills please visit Equatorial Guinea.

Pre-Order the new hardback HarperCollins edition of Everybody Dies: A Children's book for Grown-Ups. http://www.amazon.com/Everybody-Dies-Childrens-Book-Grown-ups/dp/0062329642/ref=sr_1_1_bnp_2_har?ie=UTF8&qid=1385671838&sr=8-1&keywords=everybody+dies%3A+a+children%27s+book+for+grown+ups

Japanese passover



I got to go to my first ever passover dinner. A Japanese woman I know married a Jewish American man and invited me to their home for Passover. She made this dish called Ikura Matzoh Brae which combines Japanese and Jewish tastes. It was surprisingly tasty. Ikura goes very well with scrambled eggs.

Passover is a long meal where you talk about stories of Jewish history and each thing you eat has some kind of significance. At one point someone hides a piece of matzoh and the others have to find it. I think this is called the Abbie Hoffman. According to Wikipedia , Abbie Hoffman is the author of "Steal this Book" and also "Hide this Matzoh". He was born in 1936 so this must be a recent tradition.

Ken Tanaka is Beautiful



Miwa Yokoyama is known in Hokkaido and all over Japan as being famous for Street Make. She does make up for people on the street. During her tour of the US she stopped at Royal-T maid cafe in Los Angeles, and I finally got a chance to be beautiful.

And last week, I posted this video of Remi and I at Comic Con, featuring some of the best and cutest Cosplay costumes that we saw at the con.



I had a great time at the con, and afterwards, Fangoria magazine did a review of my book Everybody Dies- A Children's Book for Grown Ups. You can check the book out at the website Http://www.everybodydiesbook.com