Missing: Jacob the Jerk Squirrel.

A few weeks ago I wrote about Jacob the Jerk Squirrel who is guilty of eating all the mikans (tangerine) on my mikan tree.

My mikan tree went from being full of lovely orange fruity friends to being lonesome and bare. It was all Jacob the Jerk Squirrel's fault. And so, I prayed and prayed to all of the Gods that I knew of, and also made a wish on a falling star. I ate a Christmas Turkey and made a wish as I snapped his wishbone. I mapped out every fountain in Los Angles and made a three-day tour of them all. I threw pennies in and wished that Jacob would disappear forever (over 145 pennies). Next, I found a dandelion grove and I spent 2 nights and 3 days (camping) picking every blooming dandelion and making my wish each time I blew it's little cotton ball of spores into the wind. Not far from the dandelion grove was a grassy hill where I hunted for four leaf clovers that I could wish upon. Finally, I made 1000 origami cranes, each one named Jacob, and asked the great Crane Spirit to grant my wish.

When I returned home, I ran to my yard and looked in the Mikan tree. No Jacob. I looked to the top of the fence where he likes to perch and peel his stolen fruits. No Jacob. I looked in the kinkan tree (kumquat), where he also likes to play. No Jacob.

I'm not sure which of my thousand wishes was heard, but one of them was. Jacob is gone. I was so excited. I picked one of the last few mikan from the tree and ate its sweet, sweet fruit meat. The mikans were mine again.

The next morning I woke up and looked out the window. Still no Jacob. The Mikan tree and Kinkan tree stood alone with no rodent of any kind running up and down its branches. The fence where Jacob suppers was empty of peels. It was a completely Jacob-free environment. I know I should have been happy, but there was a certain loneliness. The trees seemed empty without the rustle of rodent movement. The last mikans hanging on the tree seemed anxious and on edge, as if they were afraid they would go uneaten...and be left to shrivel into nothingness...unwanted...unloved.

I began to wonder how my wish was granted. I wished that Jacob would be gone, but what does that mean? Jacob was gone, but where did he go? I hadn't been specific in my wishing. I should have wished "that Jacob would find another mikan tree somewhere else and he would be happy there until his last days". I was only thinking of myself, and my mikans. Now I must accept that I may be responsible for the disappearance or even death of Jacob the Jerk squirrel. Yes, he was a jerk squirrel, but he doesn't deserve to die. Even though he was a jerk I still loved him...I still love him. It's been five days now and no sign at all of Jacob. I have spent the last three days searching my neighborhood. I've gone door to door with this flyer, asking if anyone has seen him.

If you hear anything about Jacob, please do let me know. I am so worried, I have no appetite. I don't even feel like eating the last few mikan that Jacob left behind.

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Turkey blames himself

It's November 27th and Jacob Turkey knows he doesn't have much time left. Most of his friends and kin are gone already. He blames himself, and his plumage for making him look so tasty. Some will say that he is asking for it. "He shouldn't put on such vibrant plumage if he doesn't want our attention." they'll say. But, is it fair to judge a turkey by his dress? Can any of us, upon sight alone, know what is in the mind of a turkey? Perhaps it is time to try talking to our turkeys before we decide what "they want".
Jacob is a gifted conversationalist.
If you lean in closely you can probably hear him gobble the words..."あとわずかだな。”

Pre-Order the new hardback HarperCollins edition of Everybody Dies: A Children's book for Grown-Ups.

Easter is a time for Labbits

Today is a Good Friday, and so Easter is coming soon. Easter is a good time for drawing labbits because they easily hope into your imagination. I didn't mean or plan to draw these labbits, but they accidentally came onto the paper while I was painting. The one of many labbits...was just a big blue shape at first....and then I saw the labbits hiding in it...and drew their outline with a pen. They thanked me, because it is a difficult life to be a creature with ambiguous shape.


UNHAPPY JACOB is also an Easter Labbit. Do you remember him?

Transgendered Lion's Regret

Merry Chirstmas, everybody. I hope you are enjoying some fried chicken and Christmas Cake with your family.

I spent part of Christmas Eve drawing lions. What if you were born a king but that isn't what you wanted? What if you had to live your entire life doing a king's job, like hunting for foxes and other kingly things? It would be sad to have to live a life like that. I hope this lion's wish comes true on Christmas.

I wanted to draw this lion on two different types of paper to compare the difference. I used mostly the same colors of acrylic ink to paint him. The lion on the left (lefty) is painted on cold press water color paper, and the lion on the right (Jean-Bobo) is painted on Rives Print Making Paper. The water color paper doesn't absorb as much so the colors might seem brighter. The print making paper gives the lion a different texture.
I decided to frame Lefty the Lion, and here is how he looks. Jean-Bobo says he prefers to live outside of a frame. Lefty the Lion will be a Christmas present for a good friend I have met here in America.


Fantasy Football

Miniature golf is very popular In America. It's a golf course, but the holes are hidden behind funny castles and moving obstacles. I sometimes see their giant windmills on the side of the freeways.

I have been wondering why there is no miniature soccer. I would like to play miniature soccer, and I think it should be an olympic sport.

If I am ever made into King of a small island I will make miniature soccer my national sport. There will be teams, with colorful uniforms and trophies and fight songs. My team's symbol will be the Sea Otter or maybe pudding.