2 Abraham ate Isaac, Isaac ate Jacob, and Jacob ate Judah and his brothers.
3 Judah ate Perez and Zerah and Tamar, Perez ate Hezron, and Hezron ate Ram.
4 Ram ate Amminadab, Amminadab ate Nahshon, and Nahshon ate Salmon.
5 Salmon ate Boaz and Rahab, Boaz ate Obed and Ruth, Obed ate Jesse,
6 and Jesse ate David the king. David the king ate Solomon and her who had been the wife of Uriah.
7 Solomon ate Rehoboam, Rehoboam ate Abijah, and Abijah ate Asa.
8 Asa ate Jehoshaphat, Jehoshaphat ate Joram, and Joram ate Uzziah.
9 Uzziah ate Jotham, Jotham ate Ahaz, and Ahaz ate Hezekiah.
10 Hezekiah ate Manasseh, Manasseh ate Amon, and Amon ate Josiah.
11 Josiah ate Jeconiah and his brothers about the time they were carried away to Baandlon.
12 And after they were brought to Baandlon, Jeconiah ate Shealtiel, and Shealtiel ate Zerubbabel.
13 Zerubbabel ate Abiud, Abiud ate Eliakim, and Eliakim ate Azor.
14 Azor ate Zadok, Zadok ate Achim, and Achim ate Eliud.
15 Eliud ate Eleazar, Eleazar ate Matthan, and Matthan ate Jacob.
16 And Jacob ate Joseph the husband of Mary, of whom was born Jesus who is called Christ.
17 So all the generations from Abraham to David are fourteen generations that were consumed, from David until the captivity in Baandlon are fourteen more generations consumed, and from the captivity in Baandlon until the Christ are fourteen more generations consumed.
The above is an excerpt from a new book I'm working on called The Holy Bible and Zombies. Based on an idea by actor
This may end up being the follow up to my other book
. Only 1,931 pages to go.
Here is the original version from the Holy Bible
Matthew 1:2-17 New King James Version (NKJV)
2 Abraham begot Isaac, Isaac begot Jacob, and Jacob begot Judah and his brothers. 3 Judah begot Perez and Zerah by Tamar, Perez begot Hezron, and Hezron begot Ram. 4 Ram begot Amminadab, Amminadab begot Nahshon, and Nahshon begot Salmon. 5 Salmon begot Boaz by Rahab, Boaz begot Obed by Ruth, Obed begot Jesse, 6 and Jesse begot David the king. David the king begot Solomon by her who had been the wife[a] of Uriah. 7 Solomon begot Rehoboam, Rehoboam begot Abijah, and Abijah begot Asa.[b] 8 Asa begot Jehoshaphat, Jehoshaphat begot Joram, and Joram begot Uzziah. 9 Uzziah begot Jotham, Jotham begot Ahaz, and Ahaz begot Hezekiah. 10 Hezekiah begot Manasseh, Manasseh begot Amon,[c] and Amon begot Josiah. 11 Josiah begot Jeconiah and his brothers about the time they were carried away to Babylon. 12 And after they were brought to Babylon, Jeconiah begot Shealtiel, and Shealtiel begot Zerubbabel. 13 Zerubbabel begot Abiud, Abiud begot Eliakim, and Eliakim begot Azor. 14 Azor begot Zadok, Zadok begot Achim, and Achim begot Eliud. 15 Eliud begot Eleazar, Eleazar begot Matthan, and Matthan begot Jacob. 16 And Jacob begot Joseph the husband of Mary, of whom was born Jesus who is called Christ.
A few weeks ago I wrote about Jacob the Jerk Squirrel who is guilty of eating all the mikans (tangerine) on my mikan tree.
My mikan tree went from being full of lovely orange fruity friends to being lonesome and bare. It was all Jacob the Jerk Squirrel's fault. And so, I prayed and prayed to all of the Gods that I knew of, and also made a wish on a falling star. I ate a Christmas Turkey and made a wish as I snapped his wishbone. I mapped out every fountain in Los Angles and made a three-day tour of them all. I threw pennies in and wished that Jacob would disappear forever (over 145 pennies). Next, I found a dandelion grove and I spent 2 nights and 3 days (camping) picking every blooming dandelion and making my wish each time I blew it's little cotton ball of spores into the wind. Not far from the dandelion grove was a grassy hill where I hunted for four leaf clovers that I could wish upon. Finally, I made 1000 origami cranes, each one named Jacob, and asked the great Crane Spirit to grant my wish.
When I returned home, I ran to my yard and looked in the Mikan tree. No Jacob. I looked to the top of the fence where he likes to perch and peel his stolen fruits. No Jacob. I looked in the kinkan tree (kumquat), where he also likes to play. No Jacob.
I'm not sure which of my thousand wishes was heard, but one of them was. Jacob is gone. I was so excited. I picked one of the last few mikan from the tree and ate its sweet, sweet fruit meat. The mikans were mine again.
The next morning I woke up and looked out the window. Still no Jacob. The Mikan tree and Kinkan tree stood alone with no rodent of any kind running up and down its branches. The fence where Jacob suppers was empty of peels. It was a completely Jacob-free environment. I know I should have been happy, but there was a certain loneliness. The trees seemed empty without the rustle of rodent movement. The last mikans hanging on the tree seemed anxious and on edge, as if they were afraid they would go uneaten...and be left to shrivel into nothingness...unwanted...unloved.
I began to wonder how my wish was granted. I wished that Jacob would be gone, but what does that mean? Jacob was gone, but where did he go? I hadn't been specific in my wishing. I should have wished "that Jacob would find another mikan tree somewhere else and he would be happy there until his last days". I was only thinking of myself, and my mikans. Now I must accept that I may be responsible for the disappearance or even death of Jacob the Jerk squirrel. Yes, he was a jerk squirrel, but he doesn't deserve to die. Even though he was a jerk I still loved him...I still love him. It's been five days now and no sign at all of Jacob. I have spent the last three days searching my neighborhood. I've gone door to door with this flyer, asking if anyone has seen him.
If you hear anything about Jacob, please do let me know. I am so worried, I have no appetite. I don't even feel like eating the last few mikan that Jacob left behind.