FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Is Daizen brand mineral water really the wettest water in the world?

Yes. In a study conducted by the New England School of Liquids, Daizen was found to be 750 times wetter than your average water, and 375 times wetter than the leading brand of mineral water.  The study has been repeated over 65,000 times by various impartial organizations. Each time the results were the same.


What makes Daizen brand mineral water so wet?

The answer is simple. Its sheer wetness. Daizen water is taken only from the notoriously wet streams of the Japanese Southern Alps.  The makers of Daizen reject 99.8% of all water that is initially gathered, choosing only the wettest water to fill each bottle of Daizen brand mineral water.

I understand that Daizen is the sponsor of "Everybody Dies: A  Children's Book for Grown Ups". Will Daizen sponsor my book too?

No. Your book is terrible.

But what about that kind of thing that i think  and then ?

I'm sorry, I don't understand your question.


DAIZEN COMMERCIAL

TROUBLESHOOTiNG

My bottle of Daizen is dry. How did this happen?

You likely drank the entire contents of the bottle, and then left the empty bottle in a sunny area where the remaining Daizen droplets evaporated.  To avoid this problem in the future, put the cap on the bottle after you've finished drinking and store it in a dark, cool environment (burying it in the Earth is preferred*). Over time, the tiny droplets of water remaining in your bottle will reproduce and should result in a full bottle of Daizen within 3-6 months. 

*Make sure to draw a map of where you buried your Daizen bottle so that you can remember where to find it.  Daizen is not responsible for damage to sewer pipes caused by digging your Daizen hole.


Daizen is not available in my area. What should I do?

You will need to relocate immediately.  Daizen offers competitive moving services and can help you find your dream home near a local Daizen bottling plant.

With the help of Daizen I relocated, but I still can't find any Daizen Water. What should I do?

   Please notify your designated customer service handler and the situation will be immediately remedied.

I was never provided with a "designated customer service handler"?

  Why not?


LIFE COACHING

I'm not sure how to spend the next 1:55 of my life. Do you have any suggestions?

  Watch the video below, sponsored by Daizen Mineral Water.

Do you have a question about Daizen? Fill out this form. NOW!!
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Have you ordered your copy of Daizen's "Everybody Dies: A Children's Book for Grown Ups".  No. Well you'd better get to it.  Click the cover above and buy it immediately.  Did you do it yet?  Oh, come on now.

Have you ordered your copy of Daizen's "Everybody Dies: A Children's Book for Grown Ups".  No. Well you'd better get to it.  Click the cover above and buy it immediately.  Did you do it yet?  Oh, come on now.